(nagging lady voice) "Get your ass to Sunday School!" The Nerd: Your attack is so pathetic. Smogo versus Tucker 8. He moves pretty fast for an old guy. Established in 2011 the website is focused on providing full guides and walkthroughs for best-selling video games. Wikipedia. I'd rather slurp crap oozing out of a warthog's anus hole. The Nerd: What is it, a robot? And besides the usual rocks and bushes and trees or whatever, they randomly have all these garbage cans placed about. The Nerd: Now that I've wasted my time with all that, let's play Sunday Funday. But you forgot..." (slight chuckle) ..."baby Moses." Dumb shit. So, what do you do? The Angry Video Game Nerd: You are cruel and miserable games. I feel like a stupid asshole going after all these sheep for no reason. Yes, we can still serve you! Also, The Reveal that Board James and the Nerd are one and the same . (the Nerd puts the games down) If I was God, I'd be pissed. Oh, there it is. The Nerd's appearance in Episode 25 of Board James, taking continuous potshots at board games based on video games. The Nerd: So then I get back out. So, rather than returning you to the game where you left off, it puts you back at the beginning of the stage, which is fuckin' bullshit! Basically, you're some kid on a skateboard trying to rescue some girl. Just look at it, all the different food-themed lands like Potato Land, Barbeque Land, Pizza Land, and Dessert Land. The Nerd: Well, here's a little history lesson. In fact, it is Wolfenstein 3D. In 2004, James Rolfe finished college. Child Singer: Moses and me, we've got a choice to make. ; The ending to "Bible Games 3": "...although, I will give my heart to Jesus." Hmmm. Only cause it's the only first person shooter where you get to play as Noah. Of course, he goes right past it. The game is basically a clone of Wolfenstein 3D which is a … Oh no, now I gotta go all the way back. Bible Games - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 17. They're the first snakes you see in the game. The Nerd: That voice is just crazy. Not as extreme as most instances of Nightmare Fuel, but in the Atari 5200 review, when the Nerd plugs in the system's cord, sparks come flying out, and they weren't faked! Well, actually, yeah, you would. Games are fun! First, you have this animated story about Moses. The only real difference is the main games. Or it's like climbing the sky. Oh, he's making a list, and checking it twice, He's gonna go home and eat chicken and rice. Potato chips and pizzas and... pork chops and bottles, watermelons, ice cream cones, ice cubes, and cans of like, soda coming out of a vending machine? Bible Games 2 - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 62 Kyle Justin: (to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town") Season 1, Episode 17 - Bible Games. The Nerd: Every once in a while, you get a quiz. I'm not even sure exactly what the items are, but it pretty much means that you have to uncover every square. Bible Games is a holiday special based on the internet series The Angry Video Game Nerd. The current concept of AVGN being a crossover between comedy and infotainment fails at both. First, there's Pyramid Pursuit. You never know what's going on. The Nerd: Now, it looks like we got all the animals, except the snakes. Obviously, I'm going all the way in the middle. There's also these squares that make you fall through the pipes. In Zelda, we have an aerial view with bushes and rocks, you start with three hearts for the health, you hold two items, you go in a little cave and talk to someone, when you walk into the next area, the screen moves, there's that square-shaped stairwell, you go down ladders with the gray stone walls, there's your raft, and when you start the game, you get to type in a name. Well, according to this game, he put a whole bunch of goats on there. Well, guess what? in this case a review of Barbie for the NES. The sound effects are classic. Another sign of a badly-designed game. Lightning flashes. Well, it's identical to Menace Beach. Cause he makes it clear that he doesn't want to do a Bible Game 4 review. The Nerd: Oh, fuckin' Hell. ♪ ♪ Oh, he's makin' a list, and checkin' it twice ♪ Just get down there! Like, what, are they fucking crazy? Magavewo. He's an old man, and not only does he pick the animals up, he lifts them over his head. But everything else fits perfectly fine. Except for those chocolate cats. What's the point of discussing the same game twice? With James Rolfe. Some kind of fireball or something, I don't know. Kinda like a reverse Michael Jackson. (the Nerd holds up the game cartridge for the NES) It might interest you to know that this is actually the last game ever made for the NES, and it was as late as 1995. Oh, fuck! Awww, God! (BUHHHRRRRR) Come on, you damn sheep. The Nerd: Ugh, I just pushed that thing into the exit. Nobody fucks with him. It's The Book of Genesis on Sega Genesis. It's the same thing as Exodus. UGH! And finally, when I get up here, it's not even worth it because there's nowhere to go. Now, what's even stranger is how they attack you. (Baby Moses suddenly shoots up above the game) Whoa! (He lands on the bomb.) And there was shit. (normal voice) Seriously, that's the only explanation. The Nerd does one final review on Bible Games licensed and unlicensed alike. Yeah. Now that's gotta be tricky, right? And, if that's not crazy enough, guess what? So, instead of something imaginary and fun, here's the real-life mundane task of driving a f***in' bus for eight hours! But the most interesting thing about this game is that between each level, you see your girlfriend begging you to rescue her. Quizzes aren't fun! You have to bounce on a bunch of springs. (turning to the camera) Haven't we played this already? ), The Nerd: Okay, who would've thought this would actually be decent?! It seems you have to keep skating past people while tapping the button, and I've never figured out the right time. ("Invisible Touch" plays in the background.) (Some song lyrics appear on the screen, lighting up in time to the beat) What? The Nerd: The game's not bad, but it's fuckin' weird. It clobbers the lion. Many times, I accidentally pick false when I mean to pick true. I've had enough with this shit. Damn pig! You go down ladders with gray stone walls. And when you start the game, you get to type in a name. I'm not gonna hurt you. Color Dreams was the company making all these unlicensed games for the NES like Captain Comic, Secret Scout, and Raid 2020. Featuring: Bible Adventures (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1991) Bible Buffet (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1993) Super Noah's Ark 3D (SNES, Wisdom Tree, 1994) Spiritual Warfare (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1992) King of Kings (NES, Wisdom Tree, 1991) Originally aired: 22nd of December, 2006 - ScrewAttack.com. Oh, there he goes - Fuck. Come on! And then what? Well, it was only released in Europe, which means it's in the PAL format and it can't be played on any North American NES, unless you have the Toploader. Instead of shooting Nazis, he's shooting goats. Nothing to say about that. YEAH!! Well, let's take a look at the whole replay and see what happened. Like, how can they even reach? I wouldn't want to get hit by one of those acorns. Well, I guess Noah shoots the food so hard that it knocks the animals unconscious. Holy shit, I might actually make it...! You thought that was weird? Honestly, there's not much to say. Did you see that? Even the graphics kinda remind me of it. Kyle Justin: (To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town") ♪ He's playin' some games, the worst he recalls ♪ ♪ He's gonna find out which ones suck the most balls ♪ ♪ The Angry Video Game Nerd is here. This is nice! The Nerd: All right. (normal voice) Fuck this. The object is to bring four sheep to this blinking arrow to advance to the next level. ), (The Nerd puts the game on the Toploader, the camera zooms in to the title, then the Nerd plays it, and actually feels somewhat satisfied with the game. The Nerd: You play as Moses. But, just for one final kick in the balls, it throws all these other logs down to make you think you can salvage it and jump your way back to safety to try again. He's laughing, he's got two bombs ready to blow, and... he walks away. T-this game sucks ass. The Nerd: In the beginning, a game company called Wisdom Tree began producing unlicensed games for the NES. But the funny thing is that it's a strangely effective way to get you to play the game because just for curiosity's sake, it makes you wonder: how much of her clothes are going to come off? So, unless you still have the manual, let alone have the fucking game, you're not gonna know what the questions are. So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Birthday Jesus, whatever. The old ladies comin' out of boxes? Well, that scratches that off the list. Watch this. Well, you spin the wheel, and you make some moves like any other board game, then you get to play all these weird mini-games, which sort of resembles an Atari game. Fuck this fuckin' piece of shit! Download Avgn Desert Bus Transcript doc. Angry Video Game Nerd Wiki is a FANDOM Movies Community. The Nerd: God, this is annoying! Now, does it look like Wolfenstein 3D? Oh, this game is so annoying. Damn! Principle photography took place in Spring of 2012, in the Los Angeles area, with Jason Brewer as the DP. Just keep them the same! Mostly because of this shit right here! You've robbed me, not only of my childhood, but my adulthood, too! (assorted 8-bit sound effects) And it definitely resembles Attack of the Killer Tomatoes more than it does the Bible. It looks more like a Game Genie. Here, we see the squirrel throw an acorn. If you jump through them, you fall in the water and die. Episode 399 ... AVGN Script Collection PART 1 (of 3) for charity. Oh, so I guess it's the question marks I gotta get. Damn! The Nerd: Oh my God, it's talking. That's nice. 7:00. If you miss the dot, you get this irritating voice. It just sucks, and I can't even stand to play it anymore. So, how many Super Nintendo games came out not licensed by Nintendo? For his first Christmas review, the Nerd decides to review a few unlicensed Bible games for the NES and Super Nintendo. The Nerd: The graphics are really flawed. But I also hate the oxen. (Noah keeps dropping an ox) You drop them every time you jump, so you got to keep picking them back up again. When you finish the level, it says, “Good work! Just like in Bible Adventures, the control is really awkward. Well, if you can't already tell what this game looks like, let me spell it out. Directed by James Rolfe. Then there's a Slider Puzzle. It has a game called Riddler's Race. You get a checklist of all the animals you need, so it's pretty simple. First let's do Noah's Ark. (cuts across to the other side of the screen). I mean, what's up with that shit? (Noah knocks the monkey out) Ughhhh! I can even pick the lion up and it doesn't care. How do you get those damn snakes? But, I also suppose it's rare for Nintendo to have a Bible game with no references to the Bible, resembling Atari that's all about food trying to kill you. (The pig refuses to be picked up) Stop it! Moses’ mom carrying baby Moses, carrying a block of cheese, carrying a guy carrying a spear? Take that, you monkey fuck! Other times, the second log shows up, but once you're on it, and expecting the third one, it doesn't come. I finish all the crap I gotta do. The Nerd: Here's Fishfall. Shit! I mean, this is just fucking weird. The Angry Video Game Nerd is an Internet series based on a fictional character, the "Nerd", created and portrayed by James D. Rolfe. As people have said, James is more of a movie guy. The Nerd: I'd say he's having quite a day, and the funny thing is he probably gets to church and doesn't even mention it. Well, according to Bible Adventures, that's how it happened. That's made by a Christian gaming company that makes unauthorized Nintendo games? It doesn't help either that there's all these rocks coming down. According to the Bible, Noah puts two of each animal in the ark, right? For some reason, I just can't stop saying “baby Moses”. The Nerd: Well, that's Bible Adventures. 0:44. Even the tiniest things such as bees, which take almost all your life. There's gonna be a flood. He used profanity quite a lot. Looks like something you might see if you take too much LSD. AVGN was good when James and Mike could wax nostalgic in the scripts about video games they used to play growing up in the 80's. Ugh! The problem is that initially, Matei was camera shy. I've got to do it! Who are these raging atheists that don't want you to go to church? And he fell at the same time as the squirrel. He would review Castlevania II: Simon's Quest. The Nerd: But tell me, why is "Moses and Me" graffitied on a wall? Anubis: (in a labored, monotone voice) I'm an idol worshipped by many. Not even Chuck Norris. What is this I'm looking at? But trying to avoid those down springs is almost impossible! The Nerd: Is that really necessary? I got somethin' to blow the lid off the crap barrel. It's just luck whether you hit them or not. Now, let's back up a bit. And there's lots of things you can't even touch at all, where you die instantly. I couldn't even come up with anything half as crazy if I tried. It's bad. The Nerd: Listen to how cheerful the music is. If the soldiers catch baby Moses, they throw him in the water. Noah's so goddamn strong, he puts the Hulk to shame! All the levels are exact duplicates, but what's really funny to know is that there's a story going around that ID, the company that made Wolfenstein and Doom, gave their own game to Wisdom Tree for them to turn it into this. (BUHHHHRRRRR) Baaaaaaahhhhhh. Where'd it go? (Noah throws the block at a snake, knocking it off the tree trunk) Well, I can knock them out, but if I don't catch them, they're gone. So, who knocked them both out? Zelda. I guess on his journey to the Promised Land, he had to go through labyrinths, and shooting "W's" at everything and collecting sacks with the letter "M." I don't know about this one. I'm stuck, I need a balloon to fly over the hole but I need to go back to get the balloon! BAM! Three more games. He's said this himself several times. (The snowman gets his head blown off his body) Yeah, that snowman's dead as shit. (Makes a silly facial expression.). I-I don't know what it is, but it sounds out of place. Sheepy, sheepy. 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